Expense Policy

“OK, you guys, pay attention to this!
Especially you Mark, Mike, Ian and Chris.
It’s the new travel announcement and we’d like you to know,
How we expect you to travel, wherever you go."

"Let’s talk about hotels, a waste of money they are!
On trips less than a week you should sleep in your car.
And make sure it’s a small one, akin to the “Spec.”
Call your personal insurance if you get into a wreck."

"For those who exceed nominal corporate height,
You can sleep out of doors, if it’s not raining at night.
But if it does rain, then you certainly have our permission
To spend the whole night in the fetal position."

"From one night to six we think this plan is OK,
The nights should go quickly if you work hard all day.
As an added incentive to make things a tad better,
We’ll pay for the postage so you can send home a letter."

"When you’re traveling for more than a six day event,
You can save us some money if you sleep in a tent.
They are hardy these days, and will fit in your case.
There are “Kampground Americas” all over the place."

"Dinners are out, no more turkey and stuffin’
You can get by for a day on just one egg McMuffin.
We think this is better, and you can get in one more meeting
If you don’t waste all your time with trivia like eating."

"We don’t pay for gas, and we don’t pay for tips,
We don’t care if you stink or if your clothing all rips.
We don’t pay for meals, or upgrades to first class,
We don’t want to hear about your sensitive ass."

"We won’t let you take us along for a ride,
While we’re paying you to tour the fine countryside.
We’d prefer if you think of it like a vacation.
We do, and we count it in your compensation."

"All other expenses, you’ll need to get a receipt,
Make sure that it’s legible and your expense report’s neat.
We’ll deduct for anything that isn’t explained,
That doesn’t make sense, or anything stained."

"Or if it is blue, or if you incurred it too late,
Or if we don’t like the name of the state.
Or if it is Tuesday, or the third of the July,
Or if we’ve just eaten a large piece of pie."

"Or if we don’t like you or if we think you’re a crook.
Or if we don’t think that you went by the book.
And if you did we won’t like it and we’ll changes the rules,
You can’t fathom our suite of financial tools."

"Everything else we’ll reimburse right away,
And we’ll send you a check the traditional way.
We’d prefer if you think of it as a gift from our staff,
And smile while we routinely give you the shaft."